ONE DIRECTION: AKA ZAYN MALIK’S PETTING ZOO

Does anyone even REALIZE how much bandmate touching Zayn gets away with? 

Again I have a whole folder:

THESE ARE ZAYN’S BITCHES.

Zayn is like the sneakiest touching sneaky person to ever sneak because NO. ONE. MENTIONS. IT. DESPITE. HIS. TOUCHING. EXCESS.

First there is the prettiest princesses in the land: Zarry.

That’s nice. Simple. An arm grab/squeeze. Ok.

Gentle hair porn play. I can do this.

No, wait. Get your hand out of his hair now.

ZAYN, Y U NO LISTEN?

Normal people do not hug like this.

That. Is. Cuddling.

Sing Harold a ballad why don’t you? And share spaghetti and kiss in the middle like Lady and the Tramp.

I TAKE MY BALLAD COMMENT BACK. I TAKE IT BACK. I TAKE IT BAAAAAAACK, YOU BASTARDS.

YOUR HANDS ARE ON HIS ASS AND MY WORLD JUST EXPLODED.

Possessive!Zayn feeds on the essence of my soul.

This falls under sadklf;sd. 

Zayn has a problem keeping his hands off faces. This a topic that will EXPLODE be shown in awful detail in the Liam section.

ZAY NEEDS ‘I-GRAB-EVERYONE’S-ASS’ THERAPY.

It’s Zayn’s petting zoo, ok? BACK OFF.

HAHAHA. How. The. Fuck. Does. He. Get. Away. With. Thigh. Stroking??

He also gets away with kissing Everyone. Yes, that is capitalized. It is a proper EVERY-FUCKING-ONE NOUN.

That…is sex.

Louis and Zayn know they break your heart.

AND THEY PLAN TO EXPLOIT IT THROUGH KISSES.

I’m not even joking.

I wish I was.

/Sob

AND thou shalt not forget ‘let-me-wrap-me-entire-fucking-arm-around-your-delectable-neck’ grabs.

They are REALLY important.

NECK GRABS. N B D.

WHERE ARE YOU TRYING TO PUT LOUIS’ HEAD?! BETWEEN YOUR LEGS?

Stroker no fucking stroking! ESPECIALLY IN VARSITY JACKETS YOU MONSTER FROM HELL.

Hand holding is now under: BANNED ACTIVITES.

Zayn pokes band members. The world cries.

THAT LIFT IS NOT DANCING. THAT IS GROPING. STOp. pLEASE;ls.ds;fldspfdlfks;fsd

HAHAHAHA. Go die in a fire.

Zayn got an A+ in ‘Band Member Nipple Grabs’

ZAYN LOGIC: See butt. Grab butt. Life good.

Being cute will not save you, Zayn Malik.

Liam and Zayn deserve a thousad buckets for my tears. +1.

LIAM’S FACE IS MADE FOR CUDDLEFESTS.

Stroke. Stroke. Maul. 

Is Liam cute? IS HE, ZAYN?

This like POOPS unicorns it is so cute.

Liam’s chin is THAT FUCKING GOOD.

Zayn has the Liam-touching disease. He needs help.

He’s not going to accept help. HAHA, BEETCHES.

OH LOOK. KISSING. LOOK AT MY UNSURPRISED FACE OF ULTIMATE UNSURPRISED-NESS.

<3

I can’t compete with your boyfriend, Li.

He’s got 27 tattooos.

And is a smarmy butt!toucher (multiple-offender).

WHO BUTT TOUCHES WHILE YOU FREAKY DANCE.

And has no qualms about marking his territory.

So back the fuck off, bitches.

/dying whale noises

I DON’T EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT ZAYN AND NIALL BECAUSE ZAYN HAS LIKE A NIALL STROKING DISEASE AND IT HURTS MY SOUL.

Stroke the Niall. Stroooooooooke.

Classes Zayn would have failed in college: Subtle Fuck Buddies.

Niall’s hair has magical properties, OK? Like on Tangled.

Imagine if Niall had been turned around opposite and there had been a wall behind him. You’re so fucking welcome.

ZAYN LOOKS DRUGGED ON NIALL STROKING.

Stroking? Mauling? No dif to Fetus!Zayn.

That is not where fingers go. Dear god, were you raised by goats?

But Butt. So raised by butt touching goats.

Zayn owns dis bitch. Questions?

I don’t want to talk about the Ellen Show. And the Niall slut.

So this is LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE…

I AM CRYING BLOOD YOU ASSHOLES. NO. NO NO.

Get off of him. Or I will cut you. Burn you. Drop houses on your head.

I WILL DROWN YOU IN BLEACH IF YOU CONTINUE TO LOVE EVERYONE, ZAYN. DROWN. YOU.

/SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH.

ALWAYS REMEMBER:

These are ZAYN’S bitches.

So go away or Zayn will RAWR you.

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